


A Promise

by jordimeryle



Category: Marvel
Genre: Other, Sort of sad, oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 06:57:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3281033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordimeryle/pseuds/jordimeryle





	A Promise

I remember very little from my infancy, but I remember you. I remember your golden hair and your big blue eyes looking upon me and I knew who you were. Not by name, but by heart, I knew you were my brother. I knew you were someone to look up to, to strive to be like.  
You would look over my bassinet in the middle of long nights and peer at me through the dark when you thought mother was sleeping only feet away. She rarely left me for I was such a colicky babe. But you would sneak in and speak to me. What you said, I've no idea, but your voice was soft and loving and you would speak so happily, I remember feeling happy as you looked upon me.

As we grew, I trailed ‘long behind you and I knew your friends did not like it, but I looked to you so, I couldn't see a day that we were apart. That was, until your friends pushed me away. You weren't looking, I know, but they would shove me and push me around. Once, I fell into the mud in the garden because of the bullies you called ‘friend’. They didn’t want me near, I knew. I knew you did, however, and that’s what kept me close to you.

The one of many times Mother saw their childish cruelty towards me, she took you aside as she washed the mud from my dark hair. You stood as if you were the one who had shoved me, as if you were the one to blame.  
That is when Mother told you to always watch after me.  
“He’s your brother.” She told you. “He will be around far longer than those friends of yours. You must always protect him as he will protect you.”

You agreed, smiling at me and wiping dirt from my face with your blue eyes upon me. In your eyes, I felt loved. I felt safe.

In that moment, although I do not remember speaking, I remember promising to protect you as well.

And I did.

Through skirmishes and battles, through hunting trips and scavenges, I protected you.  
Although I was neither as strong, nor as brave, I protected you with enchanted items, spells to keep you out of harm. I thought it my duty as your brother to protect you always and I like to think you believed the same.

But as the years continued, we grew apart.  
You grew large and muscular, favoring your friends over my company, but I never said a thing.  
I, too, changed.  
Growing long and lean and tall, I watched from the shadows as all who met you loved you. Yet, in said shadows, I was content.  
I was never meant for the light as you were. I was never meant for the sun upon my pale skin. Only your sun. You were the only sun I wanted, the only one I saw.

Day by day, I saw you change into the arrogant prince that was announced heir to Father’s throne.  
Yes, I was jealous. Yes, I wished so much for my chance at the crown, but I know now Odin’s crown was never meant for me. It was always yours. I see that now.

But it does not mean that I did not try, that I did not envy.

Then there was Sigyn, the one good thing that happened to me...beside you, of course. I always loved you. And why shouldn't have I? You were my brother. I loved you.

But I loved her just a bit more.

She was beautiful and graceful and although I had to deceit her, to lie to her, to get her to love me back,I think she loved me.  
Nevertheless, though I had lied, she stayed. Bore me twins.  
But my only thought was to best you, to gain a crown, a throne, I would never see.  
I should have seen that.  
I should have loved her and our children the way a true father would have.

But I didn’t.

Disaster struck and it still lives fresh in my wounded heart to this day.

In the aftermath, as you and all of Asgard know, Sigyn grieved and I made her forget, our son left, the other lay dead and sent to Valhalla where I hope he waits for his mother and brother. But never again will I hold him. Never again will I see him. I am not meant for Valhalla, for the fires of Helheim wait for me. It is fitting, ironic. Someone so cold to the touch meant for the fires to burn.

I grew distant, but I always stayed by your side.

Day after day, I placed a smile upon myself and light in my eyes for I needed you and I knew that if I kept you at bay, I would slowly slip into oblivion and madness. But aren't I already there?

But the years continued and it was a little easier to pretend I didn't hurt so.  
Yet, I remained silent when not in your company and even in your company.  
I knew my place, and you knew it as well.

Then you were sent away and I learned a truth I never thought possible.  
I am not your brother. I never was. You will never know how much it pained me to learn such. My heart still bleeds when I think of the false childhood I had. I feel sick when I think of the lies. And wasn't it all just that? A lie?

They call me the God of Lies, yet it is I who was lied to. All those years, the truth was kept from me.  
Yet, I wish I did not know where I came from, what sort of monster I truly am.

But there is no going back.

With your banishment, came Odin’s sleep and my short rule.  
We both know how that ended, in ruin.

You came back, the princely ruler you've become, so wise and kind, or so they say.  
And I?  
I fell.

You let me fall.

You were supposed to protect me as Mother -as Frigga- said so many years ago.  
But no.  
I fell through the abyss and you fell for the Midgardian.  
Both doomed, I suppose, but your ruin will be slow. Midgardians live only so long.  
While I? I have loved and lost it. There is nothing for me now but the madness.  
I’m already slipping.

Oh Thor, do you remember when we were but wee children and I would clutch unto mother’s skirts while you were away and when you’d return, you’d be mine again. You were my best friend and I would be yours.

Remember holding onto Mother while a storm, your first storm, rang outside the golden walls of the palace and she told us funny little stories until your temper lessened and Father was able to calm the storm quickly and quietly?

Remember me sneaking into your room in the dead of night because I had dreamt something terrible?  
You were always there for me.

Always protecting me.

You cannot protect me any longer.

I am lost, Thor, and I need you.  
Will you find me?  
Will you dive into the madness I now call home and find me?  
Bring me back so that we may be brothers again?

Could you save me?

No, I suppose you couldn't.

So here I sit, alone with nothing but my terrible thoughts to occupy my mind.  
You've put me here, Odinson, in this gilded cage among the undesirables of the Nine realms and here I will rot until the end of days.

You forgot your promise to Mother, to Frigga.  
You no longer protect me and I know why; I am no longer your brother.  
I suppose I never was, Odinson, Thor.

~Loki ~~Odinson~~ Laufeyson


End file.
